Week 8

Retirement is becoming very real at this point. Students discovered that my name is missing from the winter term schedule of classes and quizzed me about that a little closer than I was comfortable with. I am still having trouble vocalizing my intention to step away from my professional career because I don't think I've totally accepted the idea yet.
Acceptance gets more possible when I realize that yesterday was the last day I'll ever execute a lesson that includes mostly direct teaching. Oddly, I was nervous when I started the morning class and even had to excuse myself to wander down the hall for a minute just to gather my nerves. I revisited my first year of teaching and the way I felt when it was my turn to teach a unit and all my plans and lessons had to be reviewed in our team meeting time. Then as we'd make our way into the large lecture area, I'd have to fight hard to keep the butterflies at bay and the shaking hands and knees under control. I felt somewhat the same as I presented this last lesson.
And then last night, a message from the department leader requested someone to take a couple of classes winter term that haven't been assigned yet. One of them is my favorite class to teach, at my favorite time and will be held in my favorite classroom. That was hard to ignore. I did not respond, though.
I have at last accepted my own absence from future classroom settings. . .I think.