DMV

I've been preparing for this day since my driver's license renewal notice arrived a few weeks ago.  I put it on the top of my "to do" pile and kept shuffling it to the top.  Then I realized that my birthday is coming up soon and it was time to really do something about that notice.  So I gathered up my passport, my marriage certificate, a check for $40 and placed them carefully within the pages of my newest paperback.  I felt ready.  I was even mentally prepared.

It was difficult to get a parking place so I was patient.  I got into the line to get a number.  Then I got into the line to tell the clerk why I was there. He gave me my application so I found a place to sit down midst all the rest of the customers who were sitting, standing, milling around, taking tests, and otherwise waiting.  It was noisy and growing warmer every minute.  I used my best printing until I had to pause at the question that was about four lines long and had something to do with did I ever have a license in another name/state/planet and did I ever use it to identify myself or as a means to rent a car and did I remember my mother's maiden name or something like that.  I was stumped.  I asked the people around me if they thought the application had trick questions on it.  They all laughed and seemed to know what question I was on.  They helped me.  After that, I just didn't answer the questions I couldn't understand.

Then the real line waiting part started.  I waited in line to get my eyes tested.  I waited to figure out if I should  sit down and wait for my number to be called.  Then someone told me to wait in what was laughingly called the "express line."  My turn in that line and the sound of my number being called occurred at almost the same time.  Then I breezed through the actual process of having my license renewed by handing over the check and my documents.  She entered stuff into her computer, handed my papers back and then told me to put my application in the blue box at the end of the counter.  It was really easy to find the box because it had a bold sign on it that said "Blue Box."  Then I waited in line to get my picture taken.  I'd carefully fixed my hair for this part, put on fresh lip gloss and practiced my smile in my rear view mirror on the drive over. This was sure to be the best driver's license photo I'd ever had.  Wrong.  I look like my brother Bill on a bad fishing day.

Of course I'd had to go to the bathroom since I was waiting in the first line.  The DMV doesn't make it very clear, and I really don't think they want to, that there is a perfectly clean and serviceable restroom within the building.  But I asked and then wound my way through the even bigger and noisier crowd that now consisted not only of applicants but their babies, grandparents and biker dude uncles as well.  It was hot. It was loud.  And it smelled funny in there.  The restroom, however, was cool, clean and empty.  I half thought about spending an hour or so in its quiet confines but I was getting really hungry.  So I took a deep breath and then had the endless joy of walking out of the DMV building and working my way through the crowd that was now spilling out onto the sidewalk of the building. Someone waited patiently for my parking spot which I was happy to relinquish.