Sorry, Age Sage

I bumped into the Age Sage while walking in the park.  I thought she was a male.  She isn't.  When I met her the other day, she was swathed in long sleeves and pants and sporting a beret sort of hat as well as gigantic sunglasses.  She is suffering from a slight cold so her voice is deep and raspy.  My bad.  She looked more girly in her rain gear this morning than she did in her sun gear the other day so I'm on the right gender page now.  She just laughed when I told her and remarked that, like infants, old people start to look androgynous.  So I guess I'm excused.  I'm embarrassed; that's for sure.

She had more information she wants me to pass on.  She says, "You can recommend someone to sign up for an AARP card if you hear them say the following more than once,"

•  I don't like to drive at night.
• WHAT?
• I don't even know what a tweet is and I don't want to.
• It was last Tuesday, no Wednesday.  Make that Tuesday; Tuesday's not garbage day.
• HUH?
• Why do they make the print on these labels so small?
• Let's sit here so we won't be staring into the glare.
• What are those things on my back?
• Everyone looks so young.
• Who IS Miley Cyrus?
• Oh, I don't think we'll put up a tree this year.
• This restaurant is much too noisy!
• Our grandkids are so: 

      a.  cute      b.  smart
      c.  clever   d.  talented
      d.  all of the above plus more.

Listen for these comments.  They can help you tell who's old and who's not.