DISCLAIMER: This entry is about my personal experience with prescription drugs, i.e., anti-depressants. You need to know that there is no medical or scientific expertise involved at all. I did use the Internet as an informal research tool, but I caution you not to diagnose a physical or mental problem on-line. Contact your doctor with even the smallest question and, just so you know, I kept in fairly consistent contact with my primary care physician. My caveat-BE CAREFUL with any medication you take whether it's OTC or prescribed. They can be dangerous if not used with precision.
I began taking anti-depressants during my dad's final illness and eventual death in 1988. I started with xanax (an anti-anxiety drug) and finished with a variety of anti-depressants on June 4 of this year.The decision to get clean of them started last winter when I sensed that my then current anti-depressant wasn't working for me. This was due no doubt to an extreme family crisis and a family member needing serious abdominal surgery on an emergency basis. Between March and June I went on and off five different anti-depressants looking for the magic one that would help me keep my nose above water as I made my way through this dark family time. I was in regular contact with my doctor. But. Make that BUT. I'm not so sure that either of us was really paying close enough attention to what was happening during this process.
Here's what happened plain and simple: 1.) acute side effects followed by 2.) ugly and tortuous withdrawal symptoms. Curiously, these two conditions can present themselves in similar fashion so it becomes difficult to know when (and if) one is beginning and/or ending. Confusing, huh? You have no idea. Trembling, shaking, brain zaps, weak muscles, nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, inability to focus, racing thoughts, obsessive compulsive behavior, and anxiety supreme.
So why did I put myself through this pain? Duh. I needed mental and emotional relief from family strife that was overwhelming me. I'm a fairly tough person and have been through some life challenges in the past but for some reason (turning 70, maybe?) I have not been able to ride out this period of stress and challenge. When I finally realized what was happening, I figured out also that it was much too late to retrieve myself from "discontinuation syndrome."
As of today, July 4, I am beginning to allow myself some hope that I will eventually recover from this horrid experience. I don't know when or even how long it will take, but I will keep on keeping on. I have an appointment with a neurologist/psychiatrist in ten days. In the meanwhile, maybe one day really soon, I'll begin to feel a twinge of improvement. Right now things are still difficult.
And guess what? NEVER, EVER, EVER take even the most seemingly innocent prescription drug without a serious discussion with your doctor. And talk to your friendly pharmacist about any OTC drug you might feel you need. You have my permission to use my experience to make your case. And be careful with the Internet. Just because you read it on-line doesn't make it true.
I'll update my progress next month. Wish me luck.
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My beautiful Owl Grove Girl,
ReplyDeleteI experienced a similar situation that began just about a year ago this month. My goal after a decade on and off the drugs was to be "clean" by the end of September when I had my 2nd knee replacement. Those anti depressants are the devil! It didn't help many of the doctors I trusted for all these years kept leaving their practice or retiring. So while trying to get clean, I was also on the hunt for a PCP. AND I went through several and hated every second of that process. They all wanted to not only keep me on the Rx's but add a couple more! It was a nightmare, and the withdrawals were worse. But I did it, mostly unsupervised, but I got through. Since then have found a lady Natural Path in Clackamas whom I adore and can claim as my PCP. She's awesome and we work on everything together. It was quite the journey. Your blog today reminded me there is life after anti depressants! Love you friend!
Dear friend, your frank, honest sharing of your experience is appreciated....
ReplyDeleteHi Terry, thank you for your honesty. You were the coolest teacher we had and yet you were dealing with this in your private life. How strong you are!
ReplyDeleteAs for anti-depressants, I have not been a fan of them myself as I have seen family members on them for a very long time with seemly little results. Furthermore, I am highly suspicious from the many people I have known who committed suicide that the anti-depressants were not to blame. Furthermore, with the intention of big pharmaceutical companies to push their product, I am also suspicions of the cultural mind set we now have in that we think prescriptions the answer. I do acknowledge that they can be helpful and there are those that do have chemical imbalances that benefit from them. However, I do believe the majority of people who take them have gone too far with prescription rather than really finding what is missing.
I think the majority of many bad feelings come from the lack of honoring the emotional process, celebrating intimacy and vulnerability. If a person had a rich and vibrant community of people they loved and enjoyed their company, they would be a lot better off. And they would be less inclined to run to a doctor to find the what is missing in a pill.
What many people need, is to be able to open up to the deepest levels of who they are and find that they are loved and accepted just as they are. We are not perfect but perfectly loveable in our imperfection. Once accepted, we then have the energy and awareness to love others in their imperfection. This perpetual symbiosis of loving and being loved is what I believe essential for humans to thrive. You dear, did that for me when I was a young man hinging on going the wrong way. I did not and in some small way I am sure that had something to do with the validation you gave me. That even in my wild rocker tough guy attitude, I was still a young man that was playful and worthy of love.
Sending love, wishing you courage, keeping you in prayer. You have written brave words here, and you have my respect and caring. Our culture attaches shame to antidepressant dependence, which makes it more difficult to be honest and vulnerable, as you have done here. And at the same time, out culture promotes the myth of "everyone else's family is obviously doing great, so the s*** going on in my life obviously makes me an abnormal freak." We know in our heads that isn't true, but just try to convince our anxiety-ridden little hearts! You are a worthy person. The family drama is NOT ABOUT YOU, and you are not responsible to solve/resolve it. I care about you and I look forward to blog updates. 🙏❤️😘
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