Sorry, Age Sage

I bumped into the Age Sage while walking in the park.  I thought she was a male.  She isn't.  When I met her the other day, she was swathed in long sleeves and pants and sporting a beret sort of hat as well as gigantic sunglasses.  She is suffering from a slight cold so her voice is deep and raspy.  My bad.  She looked more girly in her rain gear this morning than she did in her sun gear the other day so I'm on the right gender page now.  She just laughed when I told her and remarked that, like infants, old people start to look androgynous.  So I guess I'm excused.  I'm embarrassed; that's for sure.

She had more information she wants me to pass on.  She says, "You can recommend someone to sign up for an AARP card if you hear them say the following more than once,"

•  I don't like to drive at night.
• WHAT?
• I don't even know what a tweet is and I don't want to.
• It was last Tuesday, no Wednesday.  Make that Tuesday; Tuesday's not garbage day.
• HUH?
• Why do they make the print on these labels so small?
• Let's sit here so we won't be staring into the glare.
• What are those things on my back?
• Everyone looks so young.
• Who IS Miley Cyrus?
• Oh, I don't think we'll put up a tree this year.
• This restaurant is much too noisy!
• Our grandkids are so: 

      a.  cute      b.  smart
      c.  clever   d.  talented
      d.  all of the above plus more.

Listen for these comments.  They can help you tell who's old and who's not.                          
                                         

Visiting Blogger - the Age Sage

(This entry comes from the guru of old people called The Age Sage. He has kindly offered to help us understand what is happening to all of us who are past the age where "young" is not even remotely applicable even if 70 is the new 50.)

Hi there!  It's the Age Sage here.  The time has come to be honest and open about getting old in a culture where the younger you are, the better.  We live in a society of people who'd really like to freeze the fitness of their bodies and minds somewhere between the ages of 20 and 30. That's only been possible for Jennifer Lopez and even her success is questionable in spite of how flashy she looks.

The topic for today is, in fact, the aging body and what you'll begin to notice about your own or that of one or both of your parents. You will know you're getting old when you have to do some weird sort of body folding to get into any car other than a smallish SUV.  You will need to do some erect back stooping which includes hopping scarily on one foot.  Don't even try to get into a large SUV or pickup without a large male body to spot for you.  And as for a sports car, forget it.  Find another way to get from point A to point B.

You will begin to walk a little slower and you may notice a slight leaning forward of the torso.  Try not to do this and encourage your older friends and relatives not to do this as well.  You really don't want your face to end up at the level of your belt.  Remember when your mother used to constantly remind you to "stand up straight"?  It still goes.  One of the best things an aging body can do for itself is to stay as erect as possible.

Here's the easiest way for you to tell if you're really on the physical skids - jump.  As in "up and down."  See?  You can't really do it like your grandson can.  It just doesn't happen.

Hint of this entry:  Keep moving.  Move some more.  Move even when you're all settled in for three hours of TV watching.  Move arms.  Move legs and feet.  Get up and walk around a little bit besides the trip you take into the kitchen for some "carrots."

Bonus hint:  Breathe deeply.  It feels strange but that's good for all of us no matter how far along the path we are.