Getting Clean

DISCLAIMER:  This entry is about my personal experience with prescription drugs, i.e., anti-depressants. You need to know that there is no medical or scientific expertise involved at all. I did use the Internet as an informal research tool, but I caution you not to diagnose a physical or mental problem on-line.  Contact your doctor with even the smallest question and, just so you know, I kept in fairly consistent contact with my primary care physician. My caveat-BE CAREFUL with any medication you take whether it's OTC or prescribed. They can be dangerous if not used with precision.

I began taking anti-depressants during my dad's final illness and eventual death in 1988. I started with xanax (an anti-anxiety drug) and finished with a variety of anti-depressants on June 4 of this year.The decision to get clean of them started last winter when I sensed that my then current anti-depressant wasn't working for me. This was due no doubt to an extreme family crisis and a family member needing serious abdominal surgery on an emergency basis. Between March and June I went on and off  five different anti-depressants looking for the magic one that would help  me keep my nose above water as I made my way through this dark family time. I was in regular contact with my doctor. But. Make that BUT. I'm not so sure that either of us was really paying close enough attention to what was happening during this process.

Here's what happened plain and simple:  1.) acute side effects followed by 2.) ugly and tortuous withdrawal symptoms. Curiously, these two conditions can present themselves in similar fashion so it becomes difficult to know when (and if) one is beginning and/or ending. Confusing, huh? You have no idea. Trembling, shaking, brain zaps, weak muscles, nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, inability to focus, racing thoughts, obsessive compulsive behavior, and anxiety supreme.

So why did I put myself through this pain? Duh. I needed mental and emotional relief from family strife that was overwhelming me. I'm a fairly tough person and have been through some life challenges in the past but for some reason (turning 70, maybe?) I have not been able to ride out this period of stress and challenge. When I finally realized what was happening, I figured out also that it was much too late to retrieve myself from "discontinuation syndrome."

As of today, July 4, I am beginning to allow myself some hope that I will eventually recover from this horrid experience. I don't know when or even how long it will take, but I will keep on keeping on. I have an appointment with a neurologist/psychiatrist in ten days. In the meanwhile, maybe one day really soon, I'll begin to feel a twinge of improvement. Right now things are still difficult.

And guess what? NEVER, EVER, EVER take even the most seemingly innocent prescription drug without a serious discussion with your doctor. And talk to your friendly pharmacist about any OTC drug you might feel you need. You have my permission to use my experience to make your case. And be careful with the Internet. Just because you read it on-line doesn't make it true.

I'll update my progress next month. Wish me luck.