Halloween Costume

I've been getting ready for Halloween all year.  I decided in January to "go as" a young person for the October holiday.  First thing I did was join Weight Watchers.  I've lost 26 pounds.  Then I decided to keep exercising so I go to my trainer once a week, do cardio at my little gym once a week, get myself down to Curves two or three times a week and try to get in a bike ride or two.  I'm down a size in jeans and my socks aren't so tight anymore.

Next, I went hardcore and scheduled a facial complete with microderm abrasion.  An hour and a half and a cool hundred dollars later, my face felt clean and tingly and had a youthful shine going.  I liked that look but didn't like spending that much money so I made an appointment with a dermatologist.  He looked over every square inch of my old puckered skin for signs of scary things that might indicate the C word.  All is well in that area, but what about the various tag warts and scratchy patches and dark spots here and there and mostly everywhere?  He got out the magic spray can and applied stingy cold spray to many places on my back and several spots on my face.  He said that these spots would blacken up and then drop off altogether in a week or two. The results would approximate the microderm abrasion treatment but would be paid for by insurance.  He even sprayed some bonus spots on my hand just to see if I'd like the results.  He was a friendly, understanding young man and I plan to see him again.

All through the months I have studied what my pre-teen grand girl wears and looked around in the mall at other younger aged people to see what they wear.  There's a pretty even split between looking like you're about to go berry picking, work out, or sell your body on the street.  I opted for a combination of all three and bought myself some pants that look like leggings but were a lot less expensive because I bought them at K-Mart.  Then I got myself some trick Nike running shoes that look like they were dipped in rainbow paint.  They produced enthusiastic comments at my gym but gave me blisters immediately.  Next, I went to Fred Meyer and got some colorful long sleeved, fairly well made t-shirts and hope to keep them free of those tiny stomach holes at least through fall.  So my attire indicates that I may be on my way to the gym but I don't have time or interest in earning any money on the street corner.

Halloween is tomorrow.  I'm ready to appear as a young person in my fake leggings (my stomach does pooch out a little); my horizontally striped t-shirt (my upper arms, I admit, are still flappy), and my owl socks.  I'll skip the Nikes because I'm too afraid that I might get those painful blisters again.  I'll just shuffle to the door to greet the trick-or-treaters in my slippers that are now too big.

I don't look a day over 65.

And Speaking of Words . . .

there are a few of them that I'm getting mighty tired of.  One is awesome.  It's lost its punch and is used to describe everything from the dog's poop in the park to the new OPI fingernail polish color.  In other words, this descriptor is really totally useless other than to let the listener know that the speaker finds something likeable.

Another lame word is amazing, the other attempt to convey, well, awesomeness.  It's amazing how many people use this word to convey how awesome they think skateboarding is. (See what's happening here?)

And then there's the ubiquitous use of like.  Even people older than 17 are using this word to sort of suggest that they're saying something is kind of real as in: "We were, like, sick of going to the zoo."
So are they just approaching a state of being sick of going to the zoo or are they in fact and in reality sick of going to the zoo?  It's as if people are afraid to describe their own reality.

And how about facebook?  This has become a lifestyle of dubious value.  Why in the world do people post the ugly reality of their lives for all the world to see?  What's more curious is that they don't even use the word like to do so.  facebook lives suddenly become amazingly real and available for anyone to view and judge.  What happened to the reality of pride and privacy?

You get extra credit if you find the most uses of irony in this blog post.