(Browsing through Craig's List and the newspaper early this morning we found the following provocative ads:)
For sale: 50 sealed boxes of fresh air! Perfect for when climate change overcomes your personal space! Half price at $20.00 per
box!
Free to the first 199 entrants! Parents, these are going fast so sign up NOW for your child's 24 hour device free experience. Includes a vegan lunch and a guided tour through the city park. Adult supervision provided. Plenty of time set aside for free time and creative play at the playground. We will sleep under the stars in cozy sleeping bags stuffed with unprocessed fleece. Again, hurry on this one!
Mary Jane's Main Street Mart is offering 50ml of hemp CBD shots free with the purchase of any bong in the store.
Tickets go on sale this Friday for City Park's Concert featuring Mick Jagger and Yo-Yo Ma performing on the same stage. Ticket prices range from $150-$346.99 with all proceeds being donated to the Save All Sounds of Classical Music Foundation.
. . .and the most curious and interesting ad of all found in the local Arts and Entertainment section--
A truckload of slightly used President dolls will go on sale after the Government Shutdown is over. These life-like dolls come complete dressed in a blue suit with an extra long coat which helps to hide small hands and a big posterior. No need to style the hairdo since it is permanently sprayed to the head. Press a button on the doll's forehead and hear fake news using the words "terrific," "witch hunt," and "wall" over and over again.
After that last ad, we retreated to the kitchen for one more cup of coffee made with water of nearly the same color. Sigh. We wonder "what next" for 2019.
Monday, December 31, 2018
Saturday, December 1, 2018
RED, WHITE, AND GREEN
I am still working on what to choose as a topic for the holiday season. I can come up with a few ideas and Pat tried to help me out, but all the ideas seemed to be so over-used and trite that I rejected them all. So I've decided to write about a few things I DON'T like about the holidays.
Here's one: Hallmark movies on TV. These are predictable and all alike. A young woman lives in a small town or comes to stay in one that is picture perfect and covered with the just the right amount of snow. She has a problem to solve that includes an introduction or reunion with an unbelievably handsome young man and they solve the problem together. At the end of the movie they discover they are in love and you see them kiss each other for the first time ever as the bland holiday music plays in the background.
Another thing I don't like about the season are the bell ringers that stand outside Fred Meyer. I don't want to make eye contact with them because I don't want to drop change into the little black pot and I feel guilty about it. When I leave the store, I suffer from the same guilty feeling. As the month of December goes by, I finally force myself to make a contribution a couple of times and then I feel a little better.
Holiday music on the radio drives me crazy. I quickly get sick of hearing songs such as "I saw Mama Kissing Santa Claus" many times over as I click on my car radio. What is even more irritating is that I get that song stuck in my head and then hum it all day long until "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" or some other jolly tune takes its place.
The joys of making Christmas cookies are untrue. The only good way to pull this off is to make the cookies when you're all by yourself in the kitchen and nobody's home. I've put in my time having fun with the grandkids making and decorating bells, trees, Santas, and snowmen. This activity takes up at least twice the time you plan for and ends up with absolutely the largest and most difficult kitchen mess that involves scraping frosting off the oddest places in the house such as on the toilet handle.
And then as the season ends and I spend the hours needed to take down all the Christmas decorations, I think about all the things I've enjoyed and feel nostalgic that I have to wait another whole year before we get to do it all again. Go figure.
Here's one: Hallmark movies on TV. These are predictable and all alike. A young woman lives in a small town or comes to stay in one that is picture perfect and covered with the just the right amount of snow. She has a problem to solve that includes an introduction or reunion with an unbelievably handsome young man and they solve the problem together. At the end of the movie they discover they are in love and you see them kiss each other for the first time ever as the bland holiday music plays in the background.
Another thing I don't like about the season are the bell ringers that stand outside Fred Meyer. I don't want to make eye contact with them because I don't want to drop change into the little black pot and I feel guilty about it. When I leave the store, I suffer from the same guilty feeling. As the month of December goes by, I finally force myself to make a contribution a couple of times and then I feel a little better.
Holiday music on the radio drives me crazy. I quickly get sick of hearing songs such as "I saw Mama Kissing Santa Claus" many times over as I click on my car radio. What is even more irritating is that I get that song stuck in my head and then hum it all day long until "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" or some other jolly tune takes its place.
The joys of making Christmas cookies are untrue. The only good way to pull this off is to make the cookies when you're all by yourself in the kitchen and nobody's home. I've put in my time having fun with the grandkids making and decorating bells, trees, Santas, and snowmen. This activity takes up at least twice the time you plan for and ends up with absolutely the largest and most difficult kitchen mess that involves scraping frosting off the oddest places in the house such as on the toilet handle.
And then as the season ends and I spend the hours needed to take down all the Christmas decorations, I think about all the things I've enjoyed and feel nostalgic that I have to wait another whole year before we get to do it all again. Go figure.
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