Close Out Sales!! Hurry! Sales End at Midnight Tonight!

(Browsing through Craig's List and the newspaper early this morning we found the following provocative ads:)

For sale:  50 sealed boxes of fresh air!  Perfect for when climate change overcomes your personal space!  Half price at $20.00 per
box!

Free to the first 199 entrants! Parents, these are going fast so sign up NOW for your child's 24 hour device free experience. Includes a vegan lunch and a guided tour through the city park.  Adult supervision provided. Plenty of time set aside for free time and creative play at the playground. We will sleep under the stars in cozy sleeping bags stuffed with unprocessed fleece. Again, hurry on this one!

Mary Jane's Main Street Mart is offering 50ml of hemp CBD shots free with the purchase of any bong in the store.

Tickets go on sale this Friday for City Park's Concert featuring Mick Jagger and Yo-Yo Ma performing on the same stage. Ticket prices range from $150-$346.99 with all proceeds being donated to the Save All Sounds of Classical Music Foundation.

. . .and the most curious and interesting ad of all found in the local Arts and Entertainment section--

A truckload of slightly used President dolls will go on sale after the Government Shutdown is over.  These life-like dolls come complete dressed in a blue suit with an extra long coat which helps to hide small hands and a big posterior. No need to style the hairdo since it is permanently sprayed to the head. Press a button on the doll's forehead and hear fake news using the words "terrific," "witch hunt," and "wall" over and over again.

After that last ad, we retreated to the kitchen for one more cup of coffee made with water of nearly the same color. Sigh. We wonder "what next" for 2019.